Tips On Not Trying Too Hard With Women

One of the main factors that drives a man to "try too hard" (thus pushing women away) is his need to for women's approval. If getting a woman to approve of you--either by flirting with you the way you want, or laughing at your jokes, or going out with you, or having sex with you--is your main goal, then you are going to have a much harder time getting a woman to flirt with you, or laugh at your jokes, or go out with you, or have sex with you. It's a weird paradox, but it's true--you are more likely to get the approval you want from women--and everything else you want from women, too if you can let go of seeking their approval when you interact with them.

When you let go of wanting approval from women, you may make some interesting discoveries.

As you let go of wanting women's approval, you may discover yourself feeling more free with women.

As you let go of wanting women's approval, you may discover you are more relaxed with women, and around the topic of women in general.

As you let go of wanting women's approval, you may discover that women seem more attracted to you.

As you let go of wanting women's approval, you may find that interacting with and flirting with women is much easier and more fun.

As you let go of wanting women's approval, you may find yourself more selective about the women you ask out, or want to be with.

As you let go of wanting women's approval, you may find that they start seeking YOUR approval.

As you let go of wanting women's approval, you may find that not having a lover right now doesn't mean all the bad things you thought it meant.

As you let go of wanting women's approval, you may find you are more relaxed in every area of your life.

How to do it :

1) For the next week or so, experiment with letting go of wanting women's approval. When you are interacting with a woman, just remind yourself, "I let go of wanting her approval, just for now." You may even imagine the sensation of wanting her approval, rising out of your body.

Then, see what happens when you interact with women without seeking approval.

Don't expect to get laid TONIGHT using this approach. If you are using this approach to get laid right now, you'll start looking for her approval again, and blow the whole thing. For now, just let yourself do what you find yourself doing when you let go of seeking a woman's approval. This is not to say that is WON'T get you laid tonight--it may. But having that be the goal, at least at the beginning of using this approach, is a bad idea.

Letting go of seeking women's approval is NOT the same as actively seeking their disapproval. For many men, the only way they've known of not seeking a woman's approval is to get her upset, disgusted, or angry. You may have experienced this yourself; times you've done something to piss a woman off a little, just to show that you don't need her approval to be happy.

To be clear, we are NOT suggesting that you seek women's disapproval--that's still wanting something from them, above and beyond whatever interaction may naturally be there. It's not the same as letting go of wanting her approval.

When you let go of seeking a woman's approval, you don't know what is going to happen. You might be drawn to doing flirting moves with her, or you might not. You might treat her romantically, or you might simply treat her in a friendly fashion. You can't know in advance. But you can know this: if you are a man who chronically seeks women's approval, and who feels as though he fails with women too much, you WILL have more peace of mind and happiness, as well as eventual success with women, if you let go of seeking their approval.

2) Explore niches. When you start experimenting with letting go of wanting women's approval, it helps tremendously if you actually spend some time around women so you can practice letting go of seeking their approval.

The best niches in which to practice this are ones in which you see the same women over and over--classes, for instance, or clubs, or any group that meets over and over with the same membership.

When you are seeing a woman one time, and one time only--like at a coffee shop, for instance--you are likely to get scared that if you don't seek her approval now, you'll never have a chance with her. This will lead to trying to get her approval, trying "too hard," and messing up.

In groups that meet over and over, however, you can let go of trying to get a woman's approval right now, knowing that you'll see her again later, and that you can see how things develop over time. This will relax you and enable you to let go of seeking her approval even more easily.

http://www.phewit.com

Seducing Deaf Women

Dear Ron and David,

I was out dancing the other night and I met a very hot girl. We had fun dancing together, though she also danced with other guys, and I hung out with her and some other people after the bar closed.

My only problem with her is that she's mostly deaf. I mean, it's not a problem that she's mostly deaf, I still like her, and would still like to date her. It's just that I have a question: In view of the fact that she can hardly hear, should I change anything about how I go about seducing her ? Much of my normal wit and charm seems lost on her, as she doesn't hear it. Yet she seems to like me, she just doesn't seem to want to talk a lot. What should I do ?

J.

Hi J.,

There are challenges in dating all women, and hearing impaired women are challenging, too. Here are some factors that are probably confounding you in your quest to get to know this girl better :

She looks at you very intently, but you can't tell--is that because she is interested in you, or because she is reading your lips?

She probably had to learn to speak without being able to hear herself, so she might not have the subtly of vocal inflections that other women have. This makes it harder for you to judge her interest, warmth, upset, or whatever by her tone of voice.

Much of seduction, the way we teach it, involves conversation. However, conversation may not be a hearing-impaired woman preferred way of connecting with people. If she can't hear your charming and witty remarks, she won't be seduced. That can also be confusing.

The "Romantic Moves" don't seem to work with her. Some of the romantic moves won't work--whispering will probably be lost on her, for instance. Holding eye contact "too long" might also be lost on someone who is used to intently focusing on someone else's face in order to read their lips.

She also might be used to being more isolated, which may make it harder to "get through her shell."

The upshot of all of this is that you will probably feel more baffled and 'in the dark' with this woman than you might with some other women. It will be harder to tell how much she likes you, and how interested she is.

There are two things we would suggest :

First, use email with her. She's seen you, she's danced with you, and she's had some fun with you, but conversation has been difficult. Try emailing her, and treat the interaction like an online seduction (for more on this, see our booklet "The Internet Seduction Toolkit". Send her romantic poetry, and let your conversations and priming date happen online.

Second, after you've communicated with her via email, sent romantic poetry, gotten to know her a bit, and showed your romantic interest, then take her on a date that gives you both something to experience other than talking to each other. Take her to a flower show, where you can both smell the flowers, or go on a walk in the arboretum, or go dancing again, just you and her. Give her an experience, then try the "first kiss tests," and see where it goes from there.

http://www.phewit.com

How Socially Isolated Guy Can Meet Women

I tend to be socially isolated, which makes it even harder for me to meet women. What should I do ?

We talk a lot about "doing your niche work." Fundamental five, "Do your niche work," is an important part of succeeding with women. For men who are not aware of it, "niche work" is the work you do to find places where you can interact with women who attract you, easily and efficiently. The difference between a seducer who refuses to do "niche work" and one who does it is the difference between a fisherman who throws his line anywhere, hoping to catch a fish, and a fisherman who knows where the best fishing holes are, and who goes to them so he can reliably catch his fish. The fisherman who has done the work to find good fishing holes will always catch more fish, just as the seducer who has found good niches will have more success with seducing women. "Niche work" is important, but we are seeing more and more that it can be made a lot easier if you follow one simple rule, as you do your niche work. That rule is: Accept all invitations.

We have worked with many men who's instant response to almost any social invitation is "no," yet who are baffled as to why they are lonely and don't have a girlfriend. You may not know it, but you probably have more opportunities to do social things than you think, but are so used to saying "no" that you miss out on opportunities that could both make you new friends, and put you in front of women.

You can find out how much of a "no" mentality you have by adopting, over the next few weeks, a new policy of saying "yes" to every invitation. You are unlikely to be able to succeed at this project, there will probably be some invitations that really, truly, aren't for you but taking on the attitude of "yes" to all invitations will show you, in stark relief, just how "no"-oriented you might be.

There are three main reasons you say "no" to invitations:

1. Fear. For most of us, it is scary to get to know new people, so we come up with excuses. "I can't go out, it will go too late, and I have the job in the morning," or "It's too expensive to go out for beers--I have to save that ten dollars for something important!" Recognize that you are afraid, and say "yes" anyway.
2. Judgmentalism. Basically another form of fear, it's easy to use judgments to allow yourself to say "no" to new experiences with new people. In your mind, either people are too good for you, and intimidating, or not good enough, and not worthy of your time. Once again, the key is to recognize that you are being judgmental, and say "yes" anyway.
3. Hopelessness. The favorite refrain of the hopeless man is "That would never work because..." Hopeless men almost seem to delight in proving things will never get better, so they shouldn't even bother. They might say, "Saying 'yes' to that social opportunity or invitation would never work, because there would never be any women there, and if there are they'll all be old or fat." Again, recognize you are being hopeless, and say "yes." That's all there is to do.

Saying "yes" can get your girls--as well as other social benefits. For instance, one of our students was taking a comedy improvisation class. There weren't many women there, but he liked the class, so it did fulfill Fundamental Eight, "Be building a life you love, separate from women." One of his classmates, a guy named Bret, asked him if he wanted to go for a beer after one of the classes. Normally he would have said "no," (judgmentalism) but because he had decided to try to say "yes" to every invitation, he went along. It turned out Bret was a pretty cool guy, and he met several of Bret's friends at the bar, whom he liked, too. Going out after the class became sort of a ritual, and our student and Bret became friends. They went to rock concerts together and generally enjoyed hanging out.

A few weeks after their friendship began, Bret invited our student to dinner with some of his friends. Our student said "yes," and it was at that dinner he met Nicky. She was young and attractive and the two of them really hit it off in a big way, and became lovers almost immediately. Saying "yes" was the key that allowed our student to find this lover (as well as to make a new friend!).

This happens all the time, and is, in fact, the way most couples meet. They have a social life and a social circle, have accepted invitations, and ended up meeting more and more new people until they met each other and "clicked." Saying "yes" to invitations is what drives this entire system, and saying "no" is what ends it. It is true that you must take some action to get yourself socializing in the first place. This is the power of niche work. But if you combine niche work with accepting all invitations, your social life will start to take on a life of its own, and you will meet women.

http://www.phewit.com

The Vicious Cycle Of Dating

In creating a life we want, there are always bumps on the road along the way. There is rejection, turmoil and the feeling that we lack the skill and confidence to really succeed with women. Have you ever noticed that when we beat up on ourselves and feel badly about our dating situation this sense of dooms tends to stick around, much like a vicious circle that spins out of control? Each and every time we beat up on ourselves, doubt ourselves, or let our fear control us when we want to initiate at any level with women, we enter a vicious circle. This circle is like a black hole that easily sucks us in and leaves us stuck spinning in a circle, with very little levity to get out.

This week we want to explore the 8 points on the vicious circle:

1. We start with a problem Problems, problems, problems. We all think we have problems from women. The guy in a relationship has a problem with his girlfriend. The guy who hasn't been on a date or had a sex in two years has a problem. The guy who feels he can't talk to women feels he has a problem and so does the college student who doesn't have the courage to talk to the woman in his psychology class.

Let's say, for instance, that we noticed a woman while we were on the subway, but didn't have the guts to talk to her. What usually happens is that we start kicking ourselves, feeling like a wimp for not going for it, etc.

2. We become insecure. Now that we've decided we have some "real" problems with women, it starts to mess with our minds. We are off of our game and tend to be hesitant to move forward. We get nervous, insecure and full of doubt. So if we feel like a wimp for not talking to the woman on the subway, we then think that perhaps we really don't have what it takes to be a seducer anyway. Do we? Can we even do anything? Maybe we should just give up.

3. We try to figure it out. To cover up feeling insecure and to battle against the doubt we come to the conclusion that there's got to be a way to figure out this situation and improve it. This is certainly the logical approach, but once again it's another trap. Why is it a trap you wonder? It's a trap because we think that we can figure out our dating problem to overcome some fundamental flaw within ourselves.

So if we beat up on ourselves for not talking to the woman on the subway, and we begin to doubt ourselves, we then think we can figure out why she didn't like us and how we probably did something wrong in our seduction. The problem with trying to figure out everything is that it always points to us still thinking that there is a relationship between us doing something and the woman not doing what we want. When we attempt to figure out why women don't like us or are not more receptive to our seduction moves, we never interpret the situation to mean that her response is not personal. Seduction 101, dating is a numbers game: women's response is rarely personal.

4. We want to know what to do and search harder to know what the answer is Moving right along. We were trying to figure out why women do not like us. Since we can't crack the code, we just fixate on more and more possible reasons why she doesn't like us. You're surely noticed that you can always come up with more and more reasons why women do not like you and why you're not more successful with women. We also tend to feel worse and worse about ourselves because we become increasingly aware in our imagination that there are some men out there that are master seducers and they know everything and how to seduce any women, but we are stupid morons who will never understand or be able to figure out the insane world of dating and relationships.

It's a trap because the question we're asking ourselves about how to get out of the vicious circle looks at the problem from the standpoint that we are fundamentally flawed and implies some sense of belief that we really do have a problem and we really are lacking in something.

Mostly when we come up with solutions we think that we need more of something, less of something, or a totally different change entirely. So we fail to initiate with the woman on the subway, we then feel stupid and lack in confidence and doubt ourselves. We now decide that if we had more money, lived in another city, dressed differently, or learned a special seduction line, and then we could be a success. The solutions we come up with dig us deeper into a pit, without any real solutions or ways out of this trap.

5. We try harder or give up and go back to just focusing on Stage One: The Problem Getting out of this trap is not working. Even the added information we have about our lack of skill isn't working. So now what do we do? Of course, we commit ourselves to working harder and to spending more time working to overcome this problem. Working hard is the solution to everything, right?

This solution works in getting ahead in our work lives, in doing better in school, in weight lifting, and in learning tangible skills, but it sure doesn't work with women. In dealing with women the harder you try, the harder it is for them to relate to you. It's like a salesman trying harder and harder to sell you something. The added intensity that a person brings to working harder comes off as an uncomfortable intensity in human interactions and again doesn't bring us any closer to a solution or a pathway out of the vicious circle.

Sadly, the other option many men come up with is to simply give up at this stage. They feel too ashamed, too embarrassed, too helpless or just lack the passion to move forward. So the go back to Stage One: The Problem. The problem with giving up is that it usually means we are completely knocked out of the game for months. We again beat up on ourselves and run a movie in our minds over and over about how much we suck and how we'll never get what we want.

6. We disapprove of ourselves and beat ourselves up more The personal hell continues. Working harder did not work either. So now we end up beating up on ourselves even more. What is wrong with us? Nothing works and what else can we do?

One of the problems we encounter at this stage is that rather than looking at specific situations in our life where we were not successful, we tend to look at our problems as global issues with our essence. So instead of looking at the situation where we initiated contact with a woman at a bar and she did not respond, we think that we can never approach women and ever have success. When we look at specific situations and specific rejections we can come up with a tangible game plan, instead we focus more on our failures and keep the vicious circle in play.

7. We still hold onto the problem What's the next step? We keep ourselves feeling stuck and we hold onto our problems tighter and tighter. We keep thinking that: a. We suck and we will never have success with women b. Our current situation sucks and that if we could learn something or if we were fundamentally different, then we would be successful.

In other words, we end up feeling worse about ourselves and completely stuck in this rut.

8. We repeat this over and over Sadly we do this over and over and over again.

Assignment for next week:

Examine in your own life the way you beat up on yourself and hold you're your own dating problems. Write down a few key areas of your dating life that feel stuck in this vicious circle and some of the futile solutions you've come up with to overcome these problems.

"Freedom is not worth having if it does not include the freedom to make mistakes." -Mahatma Gandhi

http://www.phewit.com

Handling Your Resistance To Initiating With Women

Do you ever feel any of these feelings when you try to initiate contact or romance with a woman ?

Do you ever:

• Feel like you are having to fight your way through a brick wall?
• Feel fear of rejection?
• Feel doomed with women?
• Feel helpless before attractive women's power?
• Want to control how things go when you interact with a woman?
• Feel isolated around women?
• Feel emotional pain or upset about women?
• Get self-critical about how you are with women?

All these experiences fear of rejection, feeling doomed, feeling helpless, wanting to control things, feelings of isolation, emotional pain, and self-criticism are forms of resisting the act of initiating with women.

Think about it:

What do you find yourself doing when you want to approach a woman, but feel afraid she'll reject you? You resist the idea of approaching her, so you won't get rejected. What do you do if you want to talk to a hot woman, but feel doomed and helpless about the attempt? You resist talking to her, so you won't find out that you are doomed and helpless after all.

What do you find yourself doing when you want to say "hi" to a woman, but you feel upset even thinking about saying it? You resist saying "hi" to her, so you don't have to feel even more upset. And what do you do if you want to flirt with a woman, but feel very self-critical about how you might do at it? You resist flirting, so you don't have to endure another session of beating yourself up about doing a bad job flirting and initiating with women.

Fundamentally, you resist initiating with women.

All these experiences fear of rejection, feeling doomed, feeling helpless with women, emotional pain, and beating yourself up are the different ways that resistance shows up for you when you try to initiate contact or romance with a woman.

Your resistance to initiating with women is what is keeping you stuck.

Handling resistance:

Most self-help gurus will show you ways to overcome your resistance. We respect those ways, and even teach some "resistance-defeating" techniques ourselves.

But sometimes it's better to not try to defeat it, to not "resist resistance." Sometimes it's better to allow things to be the way they are right now, without trying to change them. Sometimes not "resisting resistance" is the best way to move through it.

Think of a time someone brusquely told you what to do. How did you respond to their command? With resistance. In a way, their command "pushed" on you, and some part of you wanted to push back. They said "Do as I say," and your first reaction was "No way. You can't tell me what to do." It's human nature.

You've probably noticed this: Whenever you push on people, they tend to push back. In fact, people so hate to be told what to do that if someone commands them to do something they WANT to do, they often won't do it, just because of the resistance the command created.

This also holds true when you tell yourself to do something. When you tell yourself to "Push through your resistance, and talk to that woman!" you only create MORE resistance, because your mind responds to the command by saying something equivalent to "No way! You can't tell me what to do." You've probably experienced that, yourself. Taking the action can actually get harder, when you push yourself to take it.

So here's what you do: Welcome your resistance. Most of the time, we try to keep our sense of resistance out of our awareness. The invitation here is to allow your sense of your own resistance into your awareness, fully, and to allow it to be okay. Right now, as you are reading this, allow yourself to notice the sensation you have when you are resisting taking action with women. Think of a woman you are attracted to, but feel resistance to approaching. Let yourself experience that resistance. You'll probably feel a sense of tightness inside. That's your resistance. Let it be there.

Just for now, instead of trying to get rid of this resistance, simply make the decision to welcome it. Give it some space to live. You'll often find that it is easier to let go of your resistance after you allow it and welcome it completely. When you stop pushing against your resistance, it stops pushing back against you.

So for now, welcome your resistance, and don't try to do anything about it. You'll probably notice that it becomes easier, or even sometimes automatic, to let it go, and to move forward in initiating with women.

http://www.phewit.com

Dealing with Girl who Got Boyfriend

The girl I'm hot for has a boyfriend who doesn't fulfill her. She says she loves me, but won't leave him for me. I keep waiting, but it only seems like they are getting closer. Yet she says she is unhappy with him.

Whe will she leave him for me ?

The answer is NEVER. The way you have things set up now, she will never leave him for you.

This is a classic male dilemma. She says she wants a guy like you, but, somehow, she stays (and gives sex to!) the guy who she claims to not like. You don't like this situation. Why would you?

You're problem is that you think that because you are unhappy, and because she is unfulfilled, it means that she will inevitably leave him and go out with you, instead. You tell yourself that all you have to do is wait, and the situation will eventually cut your way. But it doesn't--in fact, the more time you spend with her, the more it seems like she is committed to her boyfriend.

The problem is this: The way you have things set up now, she is getting everything she wants, and has no incentive to change anything. She says she is unfulfilled by her boyfriend, but the fact that she stays with him belies that she in fact DOES get something out of it. It fulfills some subconscious need of hers that you will probably never understand.

The truth is, you are unhappy with this situation, but she is just fine. She can have hot sex with her boyfriend, then complain to you about how unfulfilled she is, and you give her love and support unconditionally. She has everything she wants, and she will NOT leave him for you, as long as this is true.

If you want this to change, you have to take some risks yourself.

Here are the risks you have to start taking, today, if you want to turn this situation around:

Pursue other women. If you want to turn her into a lover, it is crucial beyond words that she not be your one-and-only-hope for sex. You must be pursuing other women, flirting with other women, romancing other women and being sexual with other women. It will give you a sense of patience with your "friend," remove any sense of desperation you may be feeling around her and make you less available-and thus more attractive-to her.

Act like a lover, not like a female friend. Pop quiz, hotshot: what does a man who becomes a woman's friend do differently with her than another woman would? Answer: nothing. Moral: if you want a woman to see you as a sexual man, rather than basically as an ugly woman, then you must act differently than another woman would. This is true for women you are just meeting as well as for women who have known you for a while and already think of you as a friend. Bottom line: you must flirt with her, weird as it may feel to you the first time you do it. You must flirt.

Start doing all the flirting moves. You must ask, "What's the story behind that?" You must practice Situational Flirting and the Goodbye Introduction. You must conduct Romantic Conversations and Deepening Conversations. When you start incorporating these behaviors into your life, women will not wonder whether you are a wimpy friend or a potential lover. You'll be a potential lover every time or she'll get rid of you.

Check our program, "How to Talk to Women" at for more about these skills.

Be upbeat and be busy. The chances are you are kind of depressed when you're with her, complaining about your life and generally being a whiner. You must stop doing that right away. She should find herself thinking, "Wow, he seems pretty happy, even without me. I'd better get a piece of that!" rather than "Wow, this guy is a downer." You must act more upbeat, like you have something going on in your life. The best way to do this is to pursue other women (see above).

Refuse to stay just friends. If you do what we say, things will start seeming more romantic with the women you befriended. She'll either get with the program (and probably say, "You've changed!") or she'll tell you in no uncertain terms that you are now and will forever be just friends. If that happens, you have to stop hanging around with her. Without hedging, tell her, "I'm sorry, but it's too painful for me to be just friends with someone I feel this way about. I'm attracted to you." Then stop hanging around with her-at least then you'll be doing something positive for your self-esteem as a man.

Will this make her leave her boyfriend? We don't know, but we do know it will move you in the direction of getting the relationship you want, if not with her, then with someone else.

http://www.phewit.com

Should I Meet Women On The Street

I often see a woman on the street, and I feel like, "I wish I could go talk to her." What is the answer? How can I go talk to her and seduce her ?

If you are thinking "I wish I could go talk to her" when you see a hot woman in a public place, it's a sign that you are not taking advantage of the easy places to meet women in your life.

The thought "I wish I could go talk to her" is the result of a life where you have eliminated all reasonable opportunities to meet women. Therefore the unreasonable, most-difficult opportunities while on the street, while she's running for a cab are the only ones that pop up. You end up thinking that the solution is to get good at handling the only opportunities you see the near-impossible ones. it's not.

You only moan about not being able to meet women "on the street" when you are NOT meeting women in all the places that you should meet them social networks, niches, classes, and by being generally involved in your life. Moaning about wanting to meet women on the street is a SYMPTOM of needing to do the basic work of meeting women.

Because you are not doing what you should do to meet women, but you still desire women, you start fantasizing about seducing women you see on the street. This leads you either

1. to beat up on yourself for not being able to miraculously seduce those least-available of all women, or
2. to start falling for miraculous quick fix claims that say they can teach you to get those women in twenty minutes or less.

We've said it a million times, but it's still true: if you don't have your life set up so that meeting women is automatic and easy, all the quick-fix claims in the world won't do anything but separate you from the money in your wallet.

• If you aren't joining and visiting clubs and teams, you are going to end up longing for women you can't get, who are the most difficult to talk to and seduce.
• If you aren't saying "yes" to social invitations and developing social groups, you are going to end up alone and horny, wishing you could have sex with the hot barista at the coffee shop you frequent.
• If you aren't participating in activities and classes, you are going to start moaning about how you wish you could talk to some woman you see on the street somewhere.
• If you are not doing online dating, then you'll spend your life staring at a woman on the bus and dreaming about how great it would be to be able to walk up to her and seduce her.

Unless you are willing to have balls of absolute, inhuman steel (which you aren't) and unless you are willing to develop a set of scams and routines (which you also probably aren't), then stop thinking the answer is to learn to approach a supermodel who is running for a cab! It's not!

Thinking "I wish I could talk to her" is NOT a sign that you need to learn how to approach strangers in public, where every hot woman is angered by or terrified of new men talking to her.

Thinking "I wish I could talk to her" IS a sign you need to GET A LIFE.

There is no magic phrase or perfect opening line that can take the place of getting a life!

Actually, though, this is good news. "Getting a life" will make you increasingly happy and effective and connected with women in a meaningful way.

This year, consider making this New Year's resolution: Let go of trying to learn scams that don't work, and which make you feel bad about yourself. Stop wanting to be a manipulative jerk, and learn how to make real connections with women even if those connections are just for short-term sexual relationships.

We've had many students whose lives have become significantly happier in every respect by taking on getting a life, rather than wishing they could instantly seduce hot women on the street. One man says "Since I took up Salsa dancing, and really got into the community, it's been natural for me to meet, flirt around with, and even bed really hot women. That has made it much easier to talk with women everywhere else, too." This could be you.

Oh, and here's a bonus: When you have a life that puts lots of women in front of you, and gives you reason to talk to them, approaching women in public becomes significantly easier.

When you have a connected, active social life, you will find yourself becoming the kind of person who naturally talks to strangers, and to whom strangers naturally talk. You won't have to work on it happening you'll simply find that it happens, when you have a life with women that juices you up.

Put another way, the ability to "approach any woman" is a result of having developed a life that is rich in social opportunities that put you in front of women already. Once you have that, approaching women in public will just be part of what you naturally do.

Try this right now: Just for this moment, get off your own back about needing to learn how to approach and seduce "any woman, any time, any place." Allow it to be okay that you might never be good at approaching supermodels who are running for a cab, for instance.

At the same time, allow it to be possible that you might have more sexual abundance with hot women than you ever thought possible. Allow yourself to relax into the idea that you can have what you want with women, even if you aren't the Perfect Seducer in every situation.

http://www.phewit.com

How To Start Talking To Girl

I have a problem. Every time I come up to a girl I like, It's as though in my mind I already know what say and how to get her to smile. But when I actually talk to a girl, I get too nervous for word and I start to stutter and and I forget how to carry on the conversation all !

If you could help me out, that'd be great.

---

First of all, this is a really common problem. To a certain extent, we all face fear and nervousness when we talk to women or approach them. There are some things you can do

1. You need to have a lot more practice. Practice talking to every woman around you until it's not so scary. Say "hi" or just ask any question under the sun. This will desensitize you to the process of interacting with women.
2. Practice asking the questions OUT LOUD, when you alone. Keep preparing. Memorize a few questions or routines and say them out loud 20 times a day. The more you feel prepared, the more you will be prepared. Having said what you have to say will give you confidence.
3. Watch and NOT approach. For a few weeks when you see a girl you want to talk to, consciously DO NOT approach her. Instead, run a practice of what you COULD say in your mind instead. Say those things out loud, later, when you are alone. This again will help it feel natural when you actually do it.
4. Do fear-reducing exercises. If panic or anxiety is an issue, deal with it. Do deep breathing exercises, visualize yourself being calmer, and create a mental "happy place" to help deal with fear.

http://www.phewit.com

Sometimes All It Takes Is Opening Your Mouth

Here's an example of a real exchange we recently had with one of our readers his problem, the advice we gave, and the result he emailed back to us.

Hey guys,

I'm 27, and I have a problem with a woman. She's in her 40's but, she looks like she's 17, she is outstanding. I have known this woman for over a year now and want a more serious relationship with her. We've gone out, and that's about it. I know she likes me but, how do I tell her that I want to be more than friends, and that I have romantic feelings for her, with out pushing her away?

Sincerely, M.

Dear M.,

You obviously have to take some risk and show her that you are romantically interested in her. Try using the "confessional" approach. Say something like, "I have a confession I'd like to make. I really find you attractive, and I'm romantically interested in you." Try something like that, and see what she says.

Ron and David

Hey guys, I wanted to let ya'll know that, I told the woman I how I felt and now she is practically all over me. All it took was me saying something. I told her this last Saturday, on Valentine's Day morning. She was completely amazed and she hasn't stop smiling, She was still smiling this morning when I took her work.

Thanks guys!
M.

Can it really be this simple? Sometimes more often than you probably think it is.

Shy men spend their lives thinking that women they desire are not interested in them, but often those men appear distant, aloof, and unavailable to the very women they desire, and who also might desire them back.

We know from working with men one-on-one, in person, and at our "Freedom With Women" seminars, that one of the hardest things for shy men to do is to open their mouths and actually show their romantic interest.

This week, take a chance and actually SHOW some romantic interest to a woman you are interested in.

http://www.phewit.com

Not Dating Right Now

Have you ever had a woman you were interested in say "Oh, I'm not dating right now"? You've probably been blown off with that very statement, and felt small and powerless. How could she be so powerful as to choose to not date ? Would you ever choose not to date? The answer is probably "no."

We want to suggest to you that if you aren't doing anything to seek out women and doing what it takes to succeed with them, then YOU are choosing to not date right now.

We'll say it again: If you are not doing the things a man would do if he wanted women in his life, then you are choosing to not date.

Here's how you know if you are choosing to not date :

• You don't go to "niche" places where you could meet women. You don't join clubs, take classes, go to lectures, churches, volunteer, or do any of the things that would put women in front of you
• You don't say "hi" to women, or start conversations with them, as you go about your daily life.
• You don't do anything that exposes you to random social interactions where unexpected connections could be made.
• You only see the people you work with, your friends, and no one new.
• You say "no" to social opportunities, or choosing the "same old" people rather than taking opportunities to meet new people.

Accepting that you are choosing to not date is an empowering step. You aren't a victim who never meets women. You are choosing to not do what it takes to meet them. Accepting that not dating is a choice gives you the ability to take the next step.

If you are lonely, yet still choosing to not date, there is probably a GOOD reason for it. Most of the time, though, you will default to BAD explanations of why you are not dating. Fundamentally, you will tell yourself some variation of "I suck."

Do any of these explanations sound familiar?

• "I'm not dating because I'm lazy."
• "I'm not dating because I need my ass kicked to get in gear."
• "I'm not dating because I'm too fat."
• "I'm not dating because I'm ugly."
• "I'm not dating because I'm too busy."

I'm not dating because no woman would want me anyway."

.. These are the kind of things you are probably saying to yourself. And they are all wrong.

The truth is this; If you are not dating, it is for one reason, and one reason only: You are not dating because it feels too emotionally risky.

There are two main reasons you aren't willing to risk dating right now.

Sometimes dating seems too risky because you are too emotionally tender to take any risk at all. You might have just had a difficult break-up, for instance. After that, ANY risk will seem like "too much" risk, and you just have to take time off and heal.

More often, though, a recent break-up is NOT the reason dating seems too risky, and you stay alone.

You probably decided how risky dating is, and what is "too risky" in dating, a long time ago. A lot of your ideas about how dangerous it is to talk to women and pursue women are probably years, or even decades, out of date.

Most shy men have at least one story of a time that he showed romantic interest to a girl, as a teenager, and of the abuse and humiliation heaped upon him when she said no. They have stories of other kids surrounding them and taunting them about it. They talk about the endless jokes and years of derogatory nicknames and insults they endured because of it. They talk about how they decided to never have to risk that again, no matter what the cost. And, not surprisingly, they grow up to be shy men who didn't pursue women.

But check this out :

While it may have been true, when you were 13 years old, that if you asked out a girl you liked and she said no, you'd be taunted by everyone about it for years. BUT THAT IS NO LONGER TRUE. And on an emotional level, you probably don't know that.

As an adult, things are different. No one cares whether or not you ask a woman out. A woman's not going to go crying to her friends if you flirt with her. Her day will not be ruined if you say "hi." Everyone won't "know" if you want to take some risks in dating. People won't stand around talking about how you are trying to be a "player," or make fun of you for wanting sexual and romantic life. These things do not happen to adults.

But it's likely that you are still worrying that they will.

What we want you to do, right now, is notice how old your decisions about how risky showing romantic interest with women is. Did you made your dating risk-tolerance decisions when you were young, and when circumstances were very different than they are now? If so, noticing that is the next step to being able to approach women, and do the things you need to do in dating, without inappropriate fear.

Dating is emotionally risky. Anyone who tells you that it's not, or who tells you that they can remove all risk and give total control over women is lying to you, and probably saying whatever they can to get your money. You can limit risk, and take risks intelligently, but risk and excitement exists together--if you want to have excitement, and chemistry with women, you must be willing to take intelligent risks.

Part of our mission is to help shy men overcome their overwhelming fear of risk with women, and we have a number ways we do that.

http://www.phewit.com

How to Handle Flakey Women When She Gives Mixed Signals

I was talking to this girl I liked, and I got lucky: She told everyone she loved me I thought that meant she wanted to date me, sad to say I was wrong. I asked her out and she said no! She smiles every time she sees me, and looks at me and stuff, but doesn't want me !!

What the hell is going on ?

A: Okay, here goes:

You are facing one of the common problems that ALL men face: Women flaking out on them.

Everyone who interacts with women and dates has women flake out on them. We do. You do. The best seducers in the world do. And it will happen again. It's part of being a seducer. If women flaking out is something that devastates you, you better learn to have a thicker skin and develop a higher capacity to deal with it, because women being flakey is not going to go away.

The good news is, you had the guts and balls to ask her out. It was, in fact, the perfect opportunity. Even though she said no, you still acted like "the man," and displayed courage in going for it. You now know that you have what it takes to ask a woman out. Next time, it will be A LOT easier.

But back to talking about flakey women: Women act odd and unpredictably, often even more so when they ARE interested in a guy. It makes no logical sense, but there you have it.

Believe it or not, you are actually a problem for a some women who are interested in you. Think about it this way: She has a pretty orderly life. You pose a threat to that orderliness. You represent risk to her. You are someone who could break her heart, knock her up with a baby, take up weekend nights, and cause her to be vulnerable as hell. Therefore, in her flakey little mind, it makes sense to NOT go out with you. Besides, this way she has all the power, and that is often something women love, too.

The solution:

First off, you better be out pursuing other chicks. If this woman is your one-and-only hope, then you're really in trouble. So, go out and start pursuing A LOT more women. This will help you by giving you more confidence in your life, and this girl will also find you more attractive because you will be less needy and less available.

Second, you might want to take a break from her for a few weeks. This sends a message that you're not willing to merely be a supplicant and just another guy who pursues her over and over. Pursuing a woman over and over often puts you in a "one down" position relative to her. It's frustrating, ineffective, and often makes the situation worse rather than better.

Third, to get a more accurate read on her, we recommend asking her friends about her feelings for you. They might have information about her that you could never guess. You can also convey your feelings to her through her friends. That way she she can find out your true intentions from someone she trusts.

Forth: Without selling out, or being a lowly friend, you could ask her out again. If you do ask her out again, make sure to offer a specific time and place. Plan an event to take her out of her normal routine.

Fifth, run the Rejection Process on yourself until the "sting" of her rejecting you is gone. Do this each and every time you get rejected.

The 3-step Rejection Process goes like this:

1. Remind yourself that dating is a numbers game. You'll probably have to hear a certain number of "no's" before you get a "yes." Remember, this is one more "no" out of the way on your way to a "yes."
2. Change your interpretation of why she rejected you. Rather than deciding she rejected you because you are a loser, decide it was about her and with her life. You might decide that she rejected you because her dog died, because she's having her period, or because she's a lesbian, or because she has an early curfew and cannot be out past 9:00 PM. Remember, just because an explanation is painful doesn't mean you need to believe it. Find an explanation that is not painful for you, and practice believing that.
3. Re-direct your attention to something else. Don't dwell in the rejection--find something else--anything else--and let yourself get absorbed into it.

Sixth, after the sting is gone, look at what was missing in how you asked her out. It could have been perfect, but perhaps there were elements that you might want to different next time. Use this as a learning experience, and mine the gold from it. The process of examining what went well and what could be improved will also help you to get over rejection more quickly in the future. It will rapidly help you become much more effective in your seduction skills.

http://www.phewit.com

Why Girl Attracted to Bad Boys

Q. I understand that females want men who care, who bond with them and make them feel special, but I have seen a lot of women who respect "bad boys" more than they do a guy who is romantic. In other words, the nice romantic guy does all that work and the player plays with the girl and ends up with her !!! I always see this.

A. A bad boy is attractive to a woman because he is exciting and unpredictable, and a wimp or a typical nice guy is perfect all the time, but is boring. So, the real question for you to examine is how can you be an exciting, passionate man without having to be a jerk in the process. It means make things exciting with a woman, not predictable.

When you do something nice for a woman, you are applying what behaviorists call "reinforcement." Intuitively, "bad boys" know all about this. A "reinforcement" is a reward something that feels good that the subject gets for performing a certain behavior or for having a certain feeling. For instance, giving a dog a treat when he comes to you when you call his name reinforces the behavior of coming when you call. In time, the dog will look forward to coming when you call, because he knows that obeying you will mean he'll get a reinforcement that he likes.

The thing to know is that if you give the dog a treat every single time he comes when you call, he'll start to get lazy. He'll figure, "Eh, why should I hurry? I can get over there in my own good time, and take the treat." Constant reinforcement stops being effective after a while.

You may have noticed this in your own relationships. Have you ever had someone who consistently goes out of his or her way to make you feel special? Suppose that one morning, out of the blue, someone at your work place brought you a cup of excellent coffee when you first sat down at your desk. You'd probably feel pretty special, and you'd be happy to see that person later in the day. You would have associated seeing that person with the good feelings you got from the gift.

But now imagine if that person brought you coffee every single day, like clockwork, and never missed a day. At first you'd probably appreciate it, then you'd notice it less, then you'd hardly notice it at all. You might even start complaining when the coffee wasn't exactly the way you liked it, or get angry if he or she missed a day. You'd naturally go from being delighted by the constant gifts to seeing them as a regular part of life, or even as something you intrinsically deserve. This is a natural reaction to constant, unvarying reinforcement.

If you constantly shower a woman with gifts and attention, you run the risk of the same thing happening. At first, it's important to reinforce a woman constantly; it gets her in the habit of being happy about seeing you. But after a while, if your gifts and attention are going to stay effective, you must start bestowing them a little more irregularly. This is what behavior experts call a "variable schedule of reinforcement." You don't give her flowers every week, or every date. You don't always have a little gift for her. You don't always show up to flirt with her at the same time, or on the same day. You vary your schedule of making her feel extra-good, and thus keep the interaction exciting and fresh for her.

Tom puts a variable schedule of reinforcement to good use. "When I first start dating a woman, I go out of my way to make her feel good a lot," he says. "But in time, I know I can start scaling back. As long as I keep making her feel good often, I get better results if I don't reinforce her with special gifts or presents every single time I see her." The classic trap to watch out for is any reinforcing behavior that begins to look like a habit to you. Keep an eye open for things you always do to make her feel special. Don't always bring her gifts; don't always visit her work place once every three days. Vary your schedule of reinforcement, and you'll have a lot more success.

http://www.phewit.com

How To Talk To Girls

Here's how I would describe myself, an average looking guy with a decent job that pays reasonably well, owns an apartment and a car. On the outset, it looks like I got a lot going for me BUT my problem is I am also very, very SHY and I just don't know how to talk to girls. When I do manage to get a date which is few and far in between, it is an awkward affair since I'd be sitting there the entire night racking my brains thinking of ways to start and hold an interesting conversation and my date would sit there looking bored out of her senses.

I really believed that I was destined to lead a single life till I read "How to Talk to Women". I knew that I was not making the right moves but neither do I don't know where I went wrong. Therefore I have not the faintest idea where to begin correcting them. Reading through this book, I realized my mistakes.

Unlike many books that place great emphasis on theories, this book, "How to Talk to Women" is different. It doesn't contain the mumbo jumbo sales talk but goes straight to address the heart of the matter. The authors definitely know what they are talking about as they guide you through the pre and post processes that you have to go through in order to be successful in your communication with women.

Being shy, I almost never initiate interaction with women. It isn't that I fear being rejected (to a certain extend, I do) but my bigger fear is what do I do / say next if she responds positively. "How to Talk to Women" book tells me exactly how to overcome my problem. There is an entire chapter dedicated to educating guys on how to initiate interactions.

And it doesn't stop just there; you know how women always get carried away when they start talking about themselves… Well this book teaches you how to interrupt them when they start to "ramble" and how you redirect their attention back to you. Now, have I got your attention??? And on top of that, it tells you what to do AFTER you have their attention once again. To illustrate his point, the author gives various scenarios and examples which we regularly come across in our daily life. The examples are great because we can relate to them.

What interests me is what the authors termed the "Hi Program !" This is an exercise they came up with for guys who are shy like me. This is a pretty simple exercise which also happens to be a great confidence builder. It requires the guy to say hi to, let's say that we start with 5 women a day. That is all you need to do, guys, just say HI! to. Pretty soon, you will realize that you no longer break into cold sweat when you want to approach a woman.

Another interesting idea that is laid out in this book is that whenever you guys run out of conversation topic, simply tap into a woman's natural curious instinct. Women by nature are curious and if you can get her curious, you'll never have to worry about her being bored or lack of conversation.

"How to Talk to Women" book also covers breathing and voice intonation that should be used when talking to women. I've always noticed that my voice go squeaky and breathing becomes erratic when I get nervous and this almost always bust my chances with a hottie. Now, I learn to compose myself first before approaching a woman and I constantly "remind" myself to breathe during the course of conversation to staff of panic anxiety. I must admit that this has work wonders for me.

A very helpful chapter is the one on how to ask "deepening" questions to keep the conversation going especially when it is moving on the right track. And also how to steer her away from conversation that looks like it is going to take her down the road which is littered with bad memories. Well, the book will not be complete if it doesn't come with a chapter which tells you how to take the whole conversation thing a step further. Yup, you guessed it, how to not fall into a "just a friend" trap BUT establish yourself as potential boyfriend material.
Learn How to Talk to Girls

The book comes bundled with a CD, also titled "How to Talk to Girls"; in which the authors illustrate how they used the method taught in the book to start and sustain a very engaging conversation with women. In the CD, after each segment of the conversation, there is a narration explaining the rationale behind the questions that were presented to the ladies and how the guys (in this case the authors) control the flow of the conversation.

The CD reaffirms the success of the methods put forth in the "How to Talk to Girls" book. A plus point which endears this book to me is its wide range of examples which is easy to relate to. Ever since reading this book and putting the ideas into practice, I must say that I never have to sit at home on a Saturday night with a bowl of popcorn in front of the TV feeling miserable as hell. The only time I stay home is when I choose to.

"How to Talk to Women" has improved my love life and I am certain it can make a difference in yours too. I suggest you take a look at it now.

http://www.phewit.com

How To Not Be A Boring Nervous Bonehead

We've been teaching about seduction since 1995, and as we start the New Year we celebrate our 10-year anniversary working as seduction teachers. Today's lesson draws from theories we discussed in "How to Succeed with Women" and later elaborated in our seminars and other resources. In this article we will explore the devastating effects of being nervous around women, and we'll offer some tips on how you can relax and communicate a relaxed and confident image to women.

How many of you struggle with feeling nervous, scared and anxious around women? Out of the thousands of men we've worked with nearly every guy struggles with anxiety. Most guys feel fear when approaching a woman, and guess what? It shows! When you feel scared, the woman senses it, sees it, feels it, and your chances of success go right into the toilet.

Can we make you super calm, cool, and relaxed overnight? No way. Fear and nervousness are part of being a seducer. Fear is a natural response when doing anything exciting—rock stars feel afraid before walking out on stage, athletes before starting a game, and amazing seducers feel it before approaching a woman. What separates successful people from unsuccessful people is that successful people learn how to utilize the POWER of their fear and use it to propel them into ACTION. Unsuccessful people become paralyzed by fear and fear becomes something that continually knocks them out of the game.

Fear and anxiety, in fact, can impact every aspect of succeeding with women. Not only can you feel nervous inside, but you also telegraph anxiety in your body movements, in the speed and way you speak, and in your general presence around women. So, we're going to recommend some ways to act around women and some ways NOT to act around women. Even if you can only partially implement these suggestions—your game will greatly improve with women. If not, you're likely to end up just another Boring Nervous Bonehead.

Boring Nervous Boneheads (BNBs) tend to move too quickly. When you feel pressure to approach and talk to a hot babe, your mind, in response, starts to speed up, and pretty soon you have created even more anxiety and it is even harder to make the actual approach. As you speed up, your heart rate then increases, your breathing becomes shallower, and pretty soon you've really freaked yourself out and the chances of success continue to plummet. And then you've again become…just another BNB.

Here are some things you can start doing TODAY to greatly increase your game and help you to more fully get in the game, feel better about yourself, and help you think more clearly and effectively on your feet.

Mindset
If we could listen in to the inner dialog of a BNB we'd hear all sorts of scary stuff. We'd hear someone telling themselves over and over that they are not good enough, that they can never succeed with women, that everyone else can learn from Ron and David -- why can't they? We'd likely hear someone saying over and over, "I can't approach her. I just feel too scared." We would likely hear loads of other negative self-critical talk. And after hearing these yucky things the BNB tells himself over and over, there would be no surprise in watching him fail as he approached women over the course of an evening, a week, a month, or even a year.

The BNB scares himself half to death each time he approaches a woman, rather than consistently working on his mindset to create more confidence. Instead of examining and challenging his limiting beliefs, his fears and concerns, the BNB becomes a victim to his own self-imposed prison.

The successful seducer, however, works for weeks, months, or even years to improve his confidence and feelings of self worth. Consistently grapple with his own notions of The successful seducer works on projecting confidence, self-acceptance, strength and openness. The successful seducer consciously works on changing his inner dialog to play the messages that are empowering, not limiting.

Talking too fast
The Boring Nervous Bonehead simply talks too damn fast. When approaching a woman for the first time, the BNB talks so fast that she can hardly understand what he is saying. The BNB projects fear from the moment he opens his mouth, and the woman therefore has no doubt that he's just another BNB and blows him off immediately. The successful seducer is able to enunciate when he speaks and he talks slowly enough so that the woman can clearly understand him.

The successful seducer is not in a hurry when talks to women. He feels comfortable enough to leave space in the conversation for silences. The successful seducer enjoys the tension of silence.

The successful seducer takes his time when talking to women so that he can connect with her and he can keep himself in a calm frame of mind. Starting today, when you approach a woman slow down your speed when speaking.

Nervous movements
There are a host of movements we all do when we're nervous. And to make matters worse, the more nervous movements you make around a woman the more nervous you will feel inside. Start to become aware of how you do these movements and work on eradicating them from your repertoire.

Specifically, a BNB does thing like moving his hands around like a crazy person when he speaks. The BNB fidgets because he is so nervous. He also makes jagged motions that seem unnatural. Jagged motions tend to convey someone who is stiff and tense. Worst of all, the BNB avoids eye contact with women. He's afraid to take the risk of facing a woman, looking into her eyes, and having her know that he is checking her out.

How does the master seducer move? He moves in a graceful manner, not in wild and crazy hand gestures. A relaxed seducer seems like he's out talking to a friend, not trying to bust out some huge sex moves on women. The confident seducer can just enjoy interacting with women at any stage of the game and his body posture and motions display his level of comfort.

Trying too hard
The BNB feels he has to win women over, and does so by trying too hard. He comes across more like a used car salesman than a seductive guy. As we mention in "How to talk to Women", the Extroverted Communicator tends to compensate for fear by talking too much and too loudly. The Introverted Communicator, however, telegraphs his fear by not talking loudly enough and by being too scared to keep initiating conversations with the woman.

The BNB shows that he is trying too hard with women by constantly nodding his head up and down in a "yes" motion when he talks to women, as if this will have some subtle impact on her being in a "yes" sort of mood. He might also frequently say, "Yea, I know just what you mean." Or, "right." Or he will say, "yes", or "ya know." These are all ways to look to her for validation. One sure-fire sign of a BNB is that he looks for validation from women. Guys who seek women's approval tend to become miserable failures with women and tend to forever spin their wheels due to a lack of confidence.

Not taking enough risks
By definition BNBs are BORING! They ask boring questions, they do predictable things, and they take very few actual risks with women. BNBs act like every other guy does and do nothing to stand out. The BNB is so amazed when a woman does actually reciprocate in a conversation that he becomes a submissive puppy dog.

The BNB tends to supplicate to a woman when he first meets her, rather than risk slowing down more, and demanding MORE from both her and him. The BNB settles for his own wimpy behavior to NOT push things harder and to not share his romantic and sexual side with women.

The confident seducer takes risks when interacting and talking to women. The confident seducer challenges women when talking. He moves his body in close to a woman when talking and risks upsetting her. The confident seducer takes conversational risks by bringing up controversial subjects and pushing both touch and humor to the line. The confident seducer also pushes himself to do things that are uncomfortable to both challenge his own sense of fear and to get outside of his own comfort zone.

In closing, you can start TODAY to attack these problems and to actively go out and work on yourself as a seducer. You do this by being out in the field, interacting with women, and putting in the corrections to never again be just another BNB. If you work on the skills put forth today, you will greatly improve your life as a seducer, feel a greater sense of confidence, have more fun with women, and find yourself succeeding at greater levels than you have before.

Best of luck !

http://www.phewit.com

Signs Of Flirting

There are 10 essential flirting tips that you must know. Flirting body language will give guys some hint whether to approach, propose or progress to another stage.

These are critical flirting advice if you are to get out of the "Friend" zone and into the "Potential Lover" category with any woman:

1. Smiling. You must smile. You probably think you smile now, but you don't, really. You should practice your smile in the mirror--to be big enough to be noticed, your smile will probably have to be bigger than you are used to.

2. Getting caught looking. Most people look away when the object of their desire looks at them. If you want to let that person know you are interested, when she catches you looking, smile, hold eye contact a moment longer, then look away.

3. Waving. A little wave to someone who caught you looking, along with a smile, is a non-intrusive, very flirty way to say "hello."

4. Winking. You can wink at someone from across the room, or wink at someone during a conversation. If she says something funny, or someone else does something silly, you can give a wink as a way of sharing a little moment for just the two of you, as if the two of you are in on some private joke no one else is aware of.

5. Asking "what's the story behind that?" You can ask "what's the story behind that?" about any special or unusual thing your quarry is wearing or carrying. Examples: "that's really neat bracelet you are wearing. What's the story behind that?" or "That's a really great briefcase. What's the story behind that?" Even if there isn't much of one, it's given you some conversation.

6. Holding eye contact. While you are conversing with her, you want to be sure to have eye contact at least some of the time. At least once it's a good idea to hold the eye contact a little "too long," just a fraction too long, so there's a brief, more intimate moment between you.

7. Non-intrusive touching. This can be as simple as placing your hand lightly on her hand for a moment, or touching her back for a moment as you walk to a table to sit down. Just do this a couple of times on the first flirting interaction--if she pulls away, don't do it again.

8. Checking her out. Checking out her body must be done properly. The goal is for your new friend to feel complimented that you noticed her body, not objectified like some piece of meat. You do this by making eye contact, then quickly, in less than a second, passing your eyes down and then up over her body, then back to looking in the eyes. It should happen quickly, and you should be unashamed of taking a glance. Just don't do it too often.

9. Using the "Good-bye compliment." If you are shy, flirting with the "good-bye compliment" may be just the thing you need. On your way out, you simply go up to the woman you want to flirt with, and say something like, "Hi, I have to go now, but before I did, I really wanted to let you know that you have a really great sense of style, and that I noticed it. I wish I had more time to spend with you, but I have to go." Then leave. This allows you to build your confidence in approaching women, without having to take the risk of rejection--after all, you have to leave, you couldn't stay even if they wanted you to! (Some men also ask for phone numbers at this point.)

10. Stopping while it's still fun. Remember, flirting should be fun, and you should leave the flirting interaction feeling victorious. Most men leave their flirting interactions feeling like failures because they don't stop until it stops being fun. If you stop flirting on a high point, while it's still fun, your new friend will feel good when thinking of you, and want to see you again.

http://www.phewit.com

What To Do When You Feel Stopped With Women

Here's an email we recently received, and our answer:

Help!

I live in [area with numerous military bases]. This area is teeming with single men, almost three to every eligible woman.

The women here are spoiled, in that they have their pick of whomever they choose, and it is almost impossible to connect. The competition is over overwhelming, and, boy, do most of these women have attitudes!

Regarding personal ads and the Internet, I have been told by many that they get over forty responses to every ad/posting. Answering them is futile, and when I place one the only (if any) responses are from old fat women with kids. No luck there.

Go to a bar? There will be a handful of women in there being chased by every guy in the place, with the ratio of ten men to every one woman. Schools and social activities? Same thing, or there will be a lot of fat, ugly, gross women.

I have tried almost every idea in your book. I am a handsome, successful guy with a lot going for me, and I realize that it is a numbers game, but the deck is stacked heavily against me. Any suggestions?

-B.

Dear B:

You're biggest problem is managing your own mental state in the face of the difficulties of your situation.

Like so many men, you've become somewhat "beaten down" by how hard things are in your area, so each subsequent "failure" hurts more than the last, and makes it even harder to keep trying and moving forward.

Behaviorists call this becoming "sensitized to a stimulus." What was annoying and difficult becomes insurmountable. Everything looks too hard, so why even bother?

One thing we've noticed is that almost every man goes through a spell of being stopped by their own specific problem. They go through a period where it seems like the difficulty of the situation they face defeats and stops them.

The problem then stops being the difficulty of the environment--it becomes the fact that the man is so beaten down he won't even try anymore.

And that "sensitization" is precisely your problem. You've had so many difficulties in a row that you now have a reason why anything you might try would never work.

Internet? That would never work. Personals ads? Classes? Bars? None of them would ever work. The game is over, might as well accept that you've lost, is the feeling that you have.

So what IS there to do?

Whenever you are stopped, there are several things to focus on.

First, we suggest that you answer the question:

"What is the smallest thing I can do to TAKE ACTION and feel good about the results?"

Don't overwhelm yourself when you are feeling down. You need to start building some good feelings about women. Is there any woman you know who you could have "friend" sex with, or someone who might not be on your "A-list," but who you could feel good about having sex with?

What are the resources that you DO have at your disposal? How could you exploit them?

And how about doing some travel? Is there a larger community near where you live that you could explore, place ads in, find events to go to, pursue over the internet?

Sometimes getting out of town is a great way to meet a different quality of woman. Take some action to take a trip, if only a day trip, to somewhere else! Before going, look in their weekly paper or on-line to find activities you could enjoy doing there, that would have women.

Start having the small successes that can lead to feeling good about women again, and to eventual victory!

So much of dating (and the rest of life) is walking the line between being hopelessly naïve and bitterly cynical.

It sounds like you ARE overly down and cynical. You need to take small action, get small successes, believe bigger success is possible, and CELEBRATE THE SUCCESSES YOU DO HAVE.

This will start to overcome your sensitization and get you back on the right path.

http://www.phewit.com

How to Get Women to Approach You

The men who succeed at attracting hot women with little or no effort are the men who follow seduction Fundamental #8: "Be building a life you love, separate from women." These are the men who have gone after what they really wanted in their lives...the rock stars, the presidents, the famous actors.

You probably don't fall into one of those categories, but you can make use of the underlying principle, which is this: Women are attracted to men who are turned on by their lives and by what they are up to.

This is why a guy in a garage-band can have women approach him for sex: he's excited by what he is up to, and doing something unusual, even if he doesn't have a lot of money or power.

This is why "creating a live you love, separate from women" is a fundamental. Ultimately, we want you to be what we call a "level 5 'man's man' seducer," living a life that women naturally want to be a part of. Getting to this point, however, requires effort.

In our book, How to Succeed with Women, we talked briefly about "gimmicks." Gimmicks are things that make you more approachable to a woman. If a woman wants to talk with you, but she can't think of a thing to say to you, or anything to talk with you about, she won't make the approach, period. If you have something about you that makes you easier to approach, the possibility of her making that approach goes up.

However, we must warn you that gimmicks are not a cure-all. The biggest problem that our students have with gimmicks is that the students who are usually most interested in finding a gimmick try to use it to replace doing the other seduction fundamentals. That never works.

They seem to think, "Great, I have a gimmick, I don't need to learn to approach women, or to initiate with women, or to handle rejection, or to learn how to flirt and show romantic interest, or any of the other eight fundamentals of seducing women." Then they are surprised when the gimmick doesn't solve all their problems with women.

The bottom line is this: it's important that you don't indulge in thinking that there's a way out of doing the work to seduce women. Gimmicks might help, or they might not.

Here are some of the gimmicks men use:

• Learning magic tricks and learning to perform them in social settings.
• Having a dog.
• Carrying a baby.
• Having a hand puppet, and interacting with everyone you see with it.
• Going to a Poetry readings and reading love poetry.
• Learning palm-reading and using it to talk with women.

These gimmicks are not as easy as they look, though--If you learn magic, you still have to have the balls to perform the tricks, and no doubt you'll end up coaxing women to "pick a card" anyway, so you are back to having to do the initiating.

If you carry a hand-puppet (as one successful seducer we've known does), you still have to have the balls to go up to women and interact with them through it. Having a dog may get some women to approach you, but you'll do better at a dog park or dog-training seminar--and there you are, having to initiate again.

If you read poetry at a poetry reading, women may come up and talk with you afterwards, but you're still better off making the first approach. And if you learn palm-reading, you still have to get it started with a woman...and if you are going to go to the trouble of getting palm-reading started, you might as well flirt with her in other, more authentic ways, like through "deepening" conversations.

So perhaps gimmicks make the initial approach easier. But there's a better way to do it.

The best way we've found to make the initial approach easy is through Fundamental 5, "Do your niche work." You must find niches that work for you. Niches put you in situations where it's easy to talk with women, or even automatic, and that's what you really want.

A niche is an event or location that has interacting with women you find attractive, more or less automatically. The best niches are points of entry into communities that contain women, and they set you up to interact with those women.

These can be classes on all sorts of topics (from accounting to trapeze), churches, workshops, art openings, organizations of "friends" of the Art Museum or Zoo, new age events, personal growth weekends, clubs, or anything else you can find where people gather to share their enthusiasms.

Niches can be a pain in the ass to find, but once you have found niches that work for you, it becomes _much_ easier to meet women and seduce them.

Let's talk a little about the "personal growth seminars" niche. Some of our top students use personal growth weekends as a favorite niche, because the women who go to them are often young, open-minded, and attractive.

One of our students recently went to a personal growth seminar weekend and told us this about it: "There were two hot young Italian girls there, who at first I thought were lesbians because they were touching each other so much, but I guess that's what they do overseas.

We got to talking about the different processes over the weekend, and I was in a small group with one of them, and I practiced all my flirting moves. I paid attention to what they shared, and talked with them about it when I could, and they were both really receptive, though one more than the other.

"The Sunday night after the program was over I took one of them out, made my move in the restaurant, and she started kissing me so passionately I was actually starting to feel like it was too much to be doing in public! We went back to her place, and it was great. The best part was I really didn't feel like I had to 'work' to get her to like me--being at the seminar together seemed to give us a lot in common automatically, and made things a lot easier."

One of the key elements of most personal growth seminars is the deep level of bonding that quickly happens between participants. At a personal growth seminar, you will be in a group of people who are there to break out of their normal day-to-day routines and to try something new. This can be a good environment for you to experiment with new behaviors with women who will be much more receptive than women on the street would be.

Most seminars stress emotional honesty. People who reveal their inner-most secrets are often rewarded by the group leaders and gain the respect of fellow seminarians. This environment is perfect because you can come across as Mr. Sincere and Mr. Emotionally Honest & Available. This is attractive to women.

On a break you could walk up to the most beautiful woman in the room and say something like, "I really feel like I can be honest about who I am here, and that I can take risks I've never been able to take before...and so I want to tell you I think you are a very beautiful woman, and I'd like to get to know you better." In such an environment, which stresses honesty and sharing, you can approach many women and honestly express your attraction, and ask them out.

If that's too much for you, you can practice your flirting moves on breaks or when the group separates into small groups for sharing.

Another advantage is that most women attending will be open to meeting you, and may even approach you first. Some will actually be attending with the sole purpose of meeting a man (like the woman our student connected with at the seminar he went to).

You may find the information presented at the seminar useful, too. As we've said so often, the clearer a man is about his purpose in life, the easier a time he usually has with women. A seminar may help you develop this clarity.

The only major downfall of seminars is that they may cost too much money. Try to find seminars that have an introductory evening that you can go to, first, and scope out the women who show up before you invest your time and money.

Are personal growth seminars the answer for everyone? Of course not. You have to find out which niches work for you. The point is to get you thinking about the question, "What niches might work for me?"

What are you interested in?

What might you be able to become interested in?

Check out your local weekly paper or events calendar, or your local newspaper's web site to start finding some possible niches for you. In the right niches, it becomes very easy (or even automatic) to approach and talk with women--and that's closer, at least, to having women approach you.

http://www.phewit.com